I Stood In The Wings… Part 4
Wednesday, December 28th, 2011This is Part 4. If you haven’t yet read Part 1, 2 & 3, I highly suggest you do so first.
He was a chicken. I don’t mean he was afraid to do things; I mean he was really a chicken. Well, not in all actuality, but he was acting a chicken.
Let me explain.
I was performing at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel Ballroom in some unremembered benefit back in the days when I did such things, and after I had finished my act, the stage manager asked me if I’d like to see the rest of the show. I said that I would and during the blackout and set change for the next act I was quickly led to a front row table right smack at the stage proscenium. I was so close to the next act that the comedian could have stepped on my head if he wasn’t careful.
I was not, this time, literally ‘in the wings’, but I was so up close and personal that it felt like it.
I do not remember the comic’s name, but I will never forget his act. It was hilarious and he kept the audience howling with hysterical laughter for a full ten minutes.
Like I said, he was a chicken. He was totally committed to being a chicken and, of course, he had to be. His act was so ‘out there’ that he would have bombed horribly if he had not been so committed. In it, he chicken-scratched, he rooster-strutted, he hen-squawked, he flapped his wings, he clucked, he gave us the best “cockadoodledoo” I’ve ever heard and he chickened about the stage in a total frenzy for the full ten minutes. What’s more, he wore no chicken costume at all. Just a man in his pants and shirt, but he impersonated a chicken before our very eyes. (Or perhaps he imchickenated a person when he finished his act.)
About the only thing he did that was un-chicken-like was that he sweated. Oh my god did he sweat. This comic was workin’ the house and was chickening so deeply that he must have lost ten pounds in ten minutes. The sweat flew off him like he was in the shower and any number of times flew right on me as I sat, fascinated and wet. I’ve seen men do this in the last frantic minutes of an overtime basketball game, but never such a constant shower on stage – and I’ve never had, before or since, the ‘privilege’ of taking part in anything resembling that shower of activity.
I don’t remember ever laughing. I remember thinking that he was really funny, and being aware of the audience roaring almost continuously, but laugh myself? Not. I was too fascinated with the caloric burn, the intense mad workout and the tsunami-like proportion of his effort as the sweat flew off him like feathers.
I remember thinking that I was glad that I had never chosen to be a comic. For such a funny thing, it’s just hard work! He was a big man, which made his particular chicken character even funnier, of course. He was so committed that I wondered how long, when he finally got off stage, it would take him to transform back into a human being. Perhaps they had a big bowl of chicken feed and water waiting for him back in his dressing room. (more…)









